Lost In The Backyard
by Phoebe Yuu
Summary: They would lose forever in the backyard of their lives... KuroFai. Infinity Arc.


It's me back again! I'm in the writer block for my chaptered fic Love Beyond Invasion, so I decide that I would let it off a while and write an one-shot. Not that I left LBI, no, don't worry. I just need to refresh my mind a bit. I already wrote the whole chapter of LBI, so it's just a matter of time I would type it down on my Computer and publish it. So for you who probably wait for the new installment (there is?), don't worry, I wouldn't let that story unfinished. Just enjoy this story! The song is "Backyard" by Natasha Bedingfield, by the way.

**Warning:** Foreplay. And my messy English as always, grammar and such.

**Disclaimer:** Down own it. It belonged to CLAMP as we all know.

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**Lost In The Backyard**

**By Phoebe Yuu

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_It's been too long_

_Don't think I've seen you _

_Smile at me for quite a while _

_And we're too busy doing things _

_We haven't notice what's missing_

Another battle they have won, another set of wounds and exhaustion have formed. Fai dropped his body to the couch at the faraway back of the room, lazily playing with his spiked choker that somehow still on his neck as he cast his glance at the raven haired man who also in the same room with him. The other man was sitting on the couch beside the window in the far distance, busy sipping into his wine and absent-mindedly rotating the wine glass in his tan hand with a thoughtful expression; God knows what has been played in his mind.

The room was filled with tense air and silence that took their dominance unless for some small noises from Kurogane's sipping and the tinkling sound from Fai's metal spiked choker when the owner decided to flick that kind of necklace. It was unusual for both of them to be left alone in that living room without one of the kids' presence. Well, it wasn't that unusual before since they often left alone when Syaoran decided to take Sakura with him, but after that certain incident in Tokyo, things always unusual when they were without the kids. Like now, when Syaoran left to somehow try to talk with Sakura (such a poor boy, huh?) in her room, both men were left alone in tense silence, busying themselves with stupid activities (rotating a glass like Kurogane or flicking a spiked choker like Fai), but somehow neither wanted to leave the room.

Thing was never be the same again after that, Fai thought as he examined the ninja's face. Yes, after he turned into bloodsucking monster called Vampire. Since he first awake in his new life, he had decided to stay away from Kurogane. Actually he had decided to hate him for his selfishness too, but he found himself couldn't resolve that one decision, as funny as it heard.

After that everything around them has changed. They kept busying themselves with their own business, Fai with his decision to stay away from Kurogane and the other one with something that he kept in his mind – in which Fai guessed must be something around the way to make Fai drink properly – until they haven't noticed that something was missing. Maybe Kurogane had realized it long before Fai, but the vampire has just realized it when he examined that sharp-contoured face he'd came to love.

They hardly ever looked at each other's eyes again. Fai always loved to see those determinate red eyes of Kurogane before and Kurogane usually stared at his blue eyes to read his lies, but straight after he turned into vampire, that habit gone all along. Kurogane would stare at anywhere but Fai when he offered his blood and Fai would stare only the blood Kurogane was offered or the ninja's broad shoulder, hardly seeing his eyes again.

And now, when he had a chance inspecting Kurogane, he was all but wondering how he missed those smiles the other man usually gave him. It's always rare and small, but Fai liked it when Kurogane smiled like that.

Now it was missing. Together with their relationship.

_Where's the fun we used to have?_

_My childish ways and your sarcasm_

_Silly jokes and fairy tales_

_Where did we leave them?_

_Lost in the backyard_

Fai stopped his nicknames for Kurogane as a sign that he didn't want the ninja to come near him any further. He stopped everything he used to do around Kurogane, those childish acts, those fake cheerful smiles, those joke, everything. He changed into his broken personality; he got angry at every little thing (that involved Kurogane) and smiled icily toward everyone (except Sakura). And somehow Kurogane has changed, too. He stopped being sarcasm and retorted, he stopped yelling at everyone (more than often), and he stopped muttering something under his breath and just kept it inside his head instead. He was less grumpy lately, he seemed calmer in a mature way, and somehow… he seemed to get more patience when it came to Fai… and his constant fight for drinking the ninja's blood. Fai realized that Kurogane's expression lately always showed… tiredness…

Or maybe… both of them were, actually, equally tired.

"What are you staring at?" Kurogane's deep, less gruff, voice snapped Fai from his thought. Fai trailed Kurogane's movement with his eyes as the raven haired man slowly placed his wine glass on the table beside his couch and turned his gaze even slower to Fai. And with that, they finally looked at each other's eye(s) again after a long time. But the kind of gaze Kurogane directed at Fai wasn't a searching gaze like before. It was blank and mysterious. After some moments staring at each other, the red eyed man finally spoke again, "Do you want to drink?"

Back to his newest habit, Fai frowned and glared coldly toward Kurogane in an instant. "Do you think I'm only staring at you when I'm in a bloodlust?"

Kurogane's gaze shifted slightly from Fai's face and stayed at somewhere past Fai's golden hair. His expression unreadable, but somehow Fai could almost saw a glint of sadness in his eyes.

"For now… yes…"

Fai felt anger built up in his chest when he realized what Kurogane said. He quickly rose from his seat and grabbed nearby thing he could get – which is a water glass this time – before threw it heartedly toward Kurogane, who easily dodged it and managed to catch it before that poor thing hit something and surprised the other house occupants.

"Fuck you!" Fai shouted as he stormed out the room, slamming the door hard behind him. His hands fisted hard as he walked briskly toward his bedroom, or rather, his and Kurogane's bedroom, but since Kurogane never slept in there (to prevent more stressful fight than he has already had) it was officially being his bedroom.

They had lost. Their former self, and relationship, had left in the backyard of their lives.

_Your lasso, my tiara_

_My wand, your plastic bazooka_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

_Your cowboy hat, my tutu_

_You hide and seek I catch you_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

As he shut himself in his room, Fai must kept repeating to himself to not to cry and that nothing to cry about. What Kurogane said was somewhat true. He never looked at Kurogane again after that incident unless he was starving to death so his vampire instinct would take over control, only at the time like that he would stare right through Kurogane with his lustful golden eye, staring at him like the taller man was the most delicious food the world has ever served – in which indeed yes for Fai's actual state. He always found the way he stared at Kurogane now disgusting, more than ever. And that ninja didn't make things easy with kept offering him to drink.

He could blame it all to Kurogane who persistent to keep him alive even that was meant he must turned him into a monster, and the fact that the taller man had volunteered himself being his primary food never made things any better, instead, it's getting worse than ever.

Didn't he know that all Fai wanted was to keep everybody safe? Didn't he know that all he wanted was to not hurting the ninja because he deeply, truly loved him? Why did he make everything so difficult for both of them? He could just let him die back in that acidic Tokyo and their relationship would stay in their former state with angry yells, silly nicknames, and awkward love. Not like they were now, with silence ensued, tensed air, and frozen heart. Yes, he knew that their heart were frozen, longing for each other warmth, but at the same time stumbling into a very thick wall of their role as a beast and a prey.

All he ever wanted was being like they were before, when he could easily latched himself to the other man, which usually resulted at him being snapped by Kurogane, or in a very rare moments the ninja would awkwardly embracing him back and kissed his forehead shyly. He really wanted to, but somehow he knew he couldn't make him back to that time again, something didn't let him, and it was his stupid decision to keep Kurogane at the safe distance.

Fai buried his face deep on his pillow when he felt his tears wanted to drop. His heart ached by a longing space that kept growing larger and larger, and it was for Kurogane. Damn him for make him suffering because of his love!

We couldn't get back to how we were before, ne, Kurogane?

_Simple days of hand in hand_

_And drawing our names in the sand_

_Somehow life just complicate_

_Our buried treasure it just waits_

_Lost in the backyard_

It was raining. And yet there's no battle schedule for today, a coincidence – or Yuuko would gladly says that it was simply hitsuzen – that Fai hated the most, because there's no battle to distract his mind when he was in his thirst state. So he decided to stay in his bedroom, watching the rain pour and doing anything useless just so he wouldn't step outside and unconsciously brought himself to Kurogane asking for blood. Sakura was usually there accompanied him and had little chat with him when he was alone like this, but yesterday fight was hard and she needed her rest to regain her stamina.

Fai sighed as he stared at the gray sky through his bedroom's window. He reached out to touch the glass of the window with his pale, shaky hand, drawing a simple doodle on its dewed surface. First, he made a large circle, and then added two dots inside it, plus two lines narrowed upward above the eyes and an upside down curve for its mouth. His hand then flew to the upper side of the circle and drew some smooth curves that had a perfect curl at the end so it resembled his hair wonderfully. His eyebrows arched as he inspected his doodle. Something was missing. And when he remembered it, he smiled sadly. Silently he drew two tiny lines beneath his curved mouth. Fangs. He's a vampire now.

With another sigh, he brought his hand to the right side of his doodle and started to draw another one, but this time with narrowed down lines for the eyebrows, straight horizontal line for its mouth, and a spiked hair. Kurogane and his stoic face. He smiled lovingly as his hand hovered around Kurogane's doodle as if caressed its face but not touching it as he was afraid to destroy it. After he felt enough, he took his hand to draw a simple heart between his and Kurogane's doodle.

Like what he did with Kurogane's doodle, he hovered his hand above the heart, adored it like it was the most beautiful art in the world. But then his hand unceremoniously destroyed it as he felt a wave of nausea hit him, a result for ignoring his thirst. His nostrils suddenly became fourth times more sensitive, hell, he even could smell Kurogane from his own bedroom! He tried to push down the urge to slam the door open and ran to Kurogane in an instant. He knew exactly that the certain gruff man was in the living room, talking to Syaoran – their new Syaoran. He placed his forehead against the cold window, laughing bitterly. Even though he tried his best to resist his hunger, somehow he knew sooner or later Kurogane would come and offered his blood. Damn him for being an observer of his feeding schedule!

_Your lasso, my tiara_

_My wand, your plastic bazooka_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

_Your cowboy hat, my tutu_

_You hide and seek I catch you_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

There's a knock on his bedroom door and Fai instinctively knew who that was. From the coppery scent he could smell, it must be Kurogane, with a bonus an open wound in his wrist due to the strong – painfully and pleasurably – blood sensation he felt.

"Get lost, Kurogane!" he shouted harshly, not bothering to turn around to the door. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as he heard the door creaked open and the smell of Kurogane's blood smeared in the room, sending Fai to a flying sensation like a junkie met one's drug. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself being enchanted by the scent and hissed sharply. "Are you deaf or what? I said get lost!"

"You need to drink," he simply answered. Really, Fai expected him retorted or said some sarcasms, but instead he just stated straight to the point, matter-of-factly. There's nothing left from their former relationship, Fai thought bitterly.

He then laughed sarcastically. "You know, your words when you talk to me lately were just about this stupid feeding!"

"Do you allow me to speak to you unless it's about feeding?" Kurogane asked in a flat tone. Fai tensed as he heard the other man crossed the room, approaching him. He tried harder to resist his urge to turn around and jump to Kurogane.

"Why, yes!" Fai replied promptly.

He heard Kurogane sighed tiredly. "Fine, then we would talk something later. But for now, you need to drink. Turn around now."

"No, thank you, Kurogane-san. I'm not thirsty at all." Fai lied. The very reason he didn't want to turn around facing Kurogane was to hide his already golden eye.

He could sense – more than see – Kurogane flinched at his honorific use for his name. Calling him by his full name already enough to make him looked hurt, and now he used honorific for his full name, Kurogane must be hurt badly. Not that the taller man liked the nicknames he formerly used, Fai knew he was annoyed at that, but still… since those nicknames were unceremoniously being like a symbol of their former relationship together with the ninja's yelling and their chasing-around-the-house routine, he could tell that the red eyed man was upset at the fact that they had changed. Fai smiled inwardly. At least it wasn't only him who missed they were before but couldn't manage to make it back.

"Do you think I don't know when you're thirsty?" Kurogane said flatly. He could feel him now standing right behind him. And then, suddenly Kurogane's tan, open wounded wrist popped out in his sight. "Take it, or else you would see me dying for blood loss with my blood pooled around me and sadly you even never have a lick of it."

Fai was about to snap him when he heard what he said, but thinking twice when he saw Kurogane's blood was beginning to drop. At that moment, all of his resolve was gladly lost for his essential need. He hurriedly grabbed Kurogane's hand, holding it in place, and gently licking the blood that wound produced. He was so lost in his feeding he didn't notice that Kurogane's pulse in his wrist moving awfully and unusually fast.

While Fai was in his highest level of ecstasy, Kurogane silently slipped his other hand to the smaller man's waist and pulled him closer to his body so Fai's back was pressed against his hard chest. He rested his head on the blonde shoulder, kissing his nape absent-mindedly. Fai stopped his activity almost instantly when he realized there's a pair of lips – the one he loved the most – brushed against his nape of neck.

_Lost you in the backyard_

"Mmhh… what do you think you're doing!" Fai managed to produce a sharp hiss and pushed down the urge to moan in pleasure to finally get back his longing kiss. Did Kurogane ever know how wonderful his lips are? Did he know he always made Fai felt like he was going to be insane when he didn't get those kisses from him for a long time?

_Lost in the backyard_

"I want you… Fai…" Kurogane whispered hoarsely. "I miss you… damn much…"

_You can still meet me in the garden_

_You and I and hide behind the roses bed_

Fai's heart beating horribly fast, it seemed like it would jump out his chest in a matter of time. His mind was lost at the constant assault of his own deepest desire, failed successfully at its task to resist his longing dominating his feeling. Kurogane's now clean wound forgotten as he turned to face his raven haired lover – former, or maybe not, he could careless now – and wrapped his hands around the taller man's neck. He could see lust filled in those passionate ruby eyes and he was certain his own was nothing different. It'd been too long since their last passionate lust-filled love making, and it was certainly before Tokyo. Now both men were tired of avoiding each other and came to the state where they couldn't deny that they missed each other, longing for their union.

_You and I_

Their lips slowly met midway. Nobody sure who kissed who since it seemed like they were moving together, synchronized by their invisible thread named love and longing, hauled by a magnet called fate, united by a glue labeled time. They moved awkwardly at first, unsure whether it was the right thing to do with their current state of affairs. Soft brushes of lips against lips exchanged as they let their eyes closed to savor their undying addiction, sending sparks for their neuron to send their love to their heart.

Until the fire aflame.

_You and I_

Once their brain shut for all logics and their heart sustained their certain emotion, they deepened their kiss and did that like there were no tomorrow for them. Mouth opened and closed rhythmically, tongue tied and danced around each other adoringly, and teeth clashed shamelessly. Moans and grunts were witnesses for their undeniable desire.

_Lost in the backyard_

Lost deeper and deeper, Kurogane moved slowly and pushed the magician backward until his lean body pinned to the nearest wall. Still enchanted by those pair of amazing lips his only love owned, somehow his mind – or maybe his lust – commanded him beyond control, made his hand unbuttoned half lower part of Fai's tight black shirt and let it roamed through the territory he acknowledge the most, the vampire's flat stomach, his slim waist, and his lower back, while his other hand rested on Fai's face to assist him for a good kissing angle. Fai didn't hold back anymore, he let himself moaned lustfully at every touch the other man gave him. His hands on Kurogane's spiky hair pulled the ninja's head closer, deepened the kiss. How he missed his calloused hands on his own soft skin.

_Again…_

"Miss you…" Kurogane said again as they were parted for the essential need of air, forehead still pressed against each other, voice husky from unsatisfied lust and hard pants.

"I miss you, too…" Fai closed his eyes to feel the other presence around him. Face flushed, breathing hard. "…Kurogane…"

_Your lasso, my tiara_

_My wand, your plastic bazooka_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

_Your cowboy hat, my tutu_

_You hide and seek I catch you_

_Why can't we be how we were_

_In the backyard_

As soon as his name leaving Fai's lips, Kurogane withdrew his hand from Fai's bare skin. The blonde opened his eyes only to see the lust had gone from those red eyes replaced once again with hurtful look. The ninja stared at the vampire for a mere second before he shook his head sadly and then silently walked toward the door, took no more glance before closed the door, leaving their desire unsatisfied.

Fai could only stare at his retreating back for a moment or two, not knowing the reason why Kurogane's behavior suddenly changed at first, before realization dawned upon him that he was the one causing Kurogane to leave. He fell limply to the floor, broken hearted for losing his love. His shaking hand slowly reached up to touch his swollen lips. It still had the warm, full of love, sensation engulfed the now trembling lips. He still could feel his body heated from the touches Kurogane gave him, and the realization of losing that touch made him shivering.

His body shook as he brought his legs to his chest and curled tightly into a tiny ball, desperately tried to warm him when coldness started to creep up his whole body. He knew that he missed Kurogane, but why he couldn't be the Fai he used to be before? Why Kurogane couldn't be the Kurogane who would yell at him when he upset? Why couldn't they be how they were before?

It was Kurogane's fault. If he hadn't turned him into a monster, they would never turn into this kind of relationship. But maybe it was his fault to get attached to him on the first place. Or maybe… it was no one faults, because everything just happened beyond their control. It was, as hard as it to believe, a hitsuzen for them.

Tears unconsciously fell down his face as his body shaking harder. He missed him, he loved him, yet he must keep him safe and went away from him.

"I love you… Kurogane."

They would lose forever… in the backyard of their lives.

**~ Owari ~**

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**Yuu's note:**

Review makes me cured faster from my Typhus relapse. so please? *blink blink*


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